The Perks and the Odd Life of being Kickasses
by turtledynasty
Summary: What happens when Mindy McCready aka Hit Girl (KICKASS), Timothy Green (The Odd Life of Timothy Green) and Charlie Kelmeckis (Perks of being a Wallflower) meet?


**The Perks and the Odd Life of being Kickasses**

_What happens when Mindy McCready aka Hit Girl, Timothy Green and Charlie Kelmeckis meet?_

"Charlie, I know that you know I like Craig. But I want to forget that for a minute. Okay?" Sam said, looking into Charlie's eyes. "I just want to make sure that the first person who kisses you loves you. Okay?"

Charlie nods. And with that, Sam leans over and kisses him. He could feel his heart hammering against his chest, harder and faster. It starts softly, and then Sam wraps her arms around him. Then the door to Sam's room burst open. The kiss broke and the flustered lovebirds looked to the door. A girl with dirty blonde hair emerged. Charlie stared at the intruder. Her hair was in a mess and she had a busted lip. She must have had engaged in a physical altercation.

The girl entered the room unabashed, dragging a pretty buff but pretty battered and bruised jock into the room by his hair. He looked semi-conscious. And then the intruder met Charlie and Sam's gaze. She had a crazy look in her hazel eyes. Charlie thought he saw anger, distress, and weirdly enough a tinge of exhilaration.

"Well?" the strange girl yelled, to which Charlie and Sam jumped. "Scram!" Sam grabbed Charlie's hand, pulling him along with her out onto the hallway. And then she closed her bedroom door. Realisation only dawned on her five seconds later.

"Hold on… that's my room! Why the hell do I have to scram?" she exclaimed, frowning at Charlie. "I'm going back in!"

A hand grabbed her and Sam turned to see who it was. It was a little boy, barely twelve, with curious brown eyes and a mop of messy brown hair. He looked badly beaten up as well. "Don't," he said. "She'll kill you."

Sam stared at him. "What is a kid like you doing here?" she exclaimed.

"Hi, I'm Timothy Green," the little boy greeted, holding out his hand to shake. Sam shook it. "I wanted to see what a high school party was like."

"Did… Did she do this to you? Beat you up?" Charlie asked, pointing to the door the blonde girl had entered. He felt worried for the jock that strange girl had dragged like a rag doll into the room.

The little boy shook his head. "No. It was the guy Mindy was pulling around that hurt me. I didn't look where I was going and bumped into him. His face was really red and I think he was drunk. Anyway, he started beating me upat the porch, and everyone who walked in and out of the party didn't bother to do anything except for Mindy."

Charlie looked to the door. So her name's Mindy.

* * *

Mindy exited the room a minute later, coming face-to-face with the girl that was making out with some guy before. That girl didn't look all to please. Mindy recognised her now. Sam, the girl who has weird taste in music as well as in guys. Mindy smirked. "Sorry about that," she said, walking past the girl notorious for sleeping around. "You can continue your fuckery with your new boy-toy."

Sam entered her room and screamed. There was the bully, hanging upside down from a rope, firmly gagged, utterly naked and horribly bruised with red and purple marks all over his body. That sick girl had used him as a punching bag. Sam ran out of her room while a couple of jocks went in to rescue their buddy.

Oblivious to the chaos she caused, Mindy went on to settle on the carpeted floor next to Timothy, away from the drugged teens. She sighed and basked in the warmth of the hearth. Nobody knew she was Hit Girl, and it kind of felt nice fighting against the bad people without a costume. She drew in a deep breath and pulled her feet in, resting her chin gingerly on her knees. She hated being in around druggies. She couldn't help but scorn at their weakness and incontrollable addiction for weed. Some guy had shoved some weed cupcake in her face earlier on. "Try it," he had urged her. And she had taken it from him, only to shove it down his throat. And then he started to choke. "You try it," she had snarled at him, while his semi-sober friends patted him on the back.

"Oh my god! Look at him go!" some girl shrieked, pulling Mindy out of her daydream. A couple of high schoolers were laughing hysterically, causing Mindy and Timothy to wince at their high pitch cackles. Mindy looked over her shoulder to see what the commotion was all about. Apparently, some group of druggies managed to get a boy drugged. She recognized him… the newcomer. He was also the one making out with Sam. Mindy smirked. Man, does she swoop in fast on her prey.

And there the newcomer was, stumbling around, grinning from ear to ear at almost anything he saw. Mindy watched him closely. He had that look of innocence, with that shy and genuine smile that made him immediately likeable.

"Aren't you going to help him?"

It was Timothy. Mindy rolled her eyes and shot the kid a look of disinterest that said 'You kidding me?'. But really, his request didn't surprise Mindy. That was just how Timothy always was - always seeing the good in people, always believing that when everyone and anyone is deserving of help and forgiveness. The kid was compassionate to a fault, in Mindy's opinion.

"He's got his girlfriend around. He'll manage," Mindy muttered in reply.

"That girl he was with, Sam… she's not what everyone is calling her, a 'slut'. She's a victim."

Mindy laughed. "Mrs. Green is going to kill me if she hears you say that 's' word."

"Mindy, I'm serious."

"Yes, Tim, you've told me that many times."

"Why don't you like Sam? Because of the rumours?"

"No, I dislike her not because she fucks around, Tim. She can hump whatever she wants, even a porcupine. But when it comes to manipulating and making use of people around her to wallow in her self-pity," Mindy nodded her head in the direction of Charlie. "I don't think I can respect manipulative nuts. Because the worst kind of super villains I've dealt with are manipulative nuts. They're a bunch of messed up people."

"You're messed up too. But in a good way."

"I'm not going to help him, Tim."

"Please, Mindy," Timothy pleaded. Mindy looked into those big puppy-dog eyes. _Darn it_, she cursed inwardly. After a moment's of hesitation, she finally caved and got up to help the drugged nerd. Timothy got up to follow her.

Meanwhile, Charlie wandered through the party, tripping out of his mind. He sat down on the sofa. The world unbends as he took off the glasses. Kids walk around the party, leaving ghosts of them behind.

All of a sudden, Charlie felt himself being pulled abruptly from his comfortable seating. He looked at his abductor. It was that rude blonde. What was her name again Mindy? He looked over his shoulder and saw that little boy he met earlier, Timothy, following after him and Mindy. And then there was Sam peering down at him from the staircase, looking kind of annoyed as she watched Mindy drag him into the kitchen. That was not a good sign.

"Sam... Wait... Mindy, stop. Where are you taking me?"

"To sober up."

Charlie blinked hard, trying to clear his blurry vision. It just dawned on him that he didn't feel too well.

"I think I need a milkshake."

"No."

"What a great word. Milkshake." Mindy stared at Charlie. He hadn't hear her. "It's like when you say your name over and over again in the mirror, and after awhile, it sounds crazy," he let out a burst of silly giggles. And then he saw Timothy grinned at him. The kid must find him funny. Just then, Mindy's face came into his view. She had taken his face in her hands and was lifting his lids to check his pupils.

"You know Mindy, you have the prettiest hazel eyes I've ever seen. The kind of pretty that deserves to make a big deal about itself. You know what I mean?" he babbled on as.

"Pupils are dull and diluted. Yep. You're stoned."

"Stoned. Stoned." Charlie repeated after her. He was at a lost.

"I'm guessing this is your first time getting high?"

"Me? No. My best friend Michael. His dad was a big drinker. So, he hated all that stuff. Parties, too."

"And where is this good friend of yours, leaving you all alone with those addicts?

"Oh, he shot himself last May…" There was a pause. Mindy looked at Timothy. The kid was was simply staring up at Charlie blankly. Mindy sat him down on a kitchen stool, watching the currently very drugged wallflower rather closely now. Like he was some kind of circus freak show... or more like a ticking time bomb about to explode.

"I kind of wish he'd left a note," he continued, apathetic Mindy and Timothy's stares. "You know what I mean?"

What happened next was so strange. A sad smile emerged on Mindy's face. "I know. But it's no use wondering why people leave us when they're already gone. It'll just eat us up on the inside. Sometimes… I realise, when people choose to leave us because it gets too painful, maybe it's for the best since they think it'd be better for themselves if they just killed themselves…" She remembered how Big Daddy voluntarily died in the fire. He had stared into her eyes and bidding her the first and last tearful goodbye. Was it really okay for him to leave her and the world behind? Would he really be better off?

There were no tears welling up in her eyes, but Charlie saw the sadness. And it quickly disappeared. Charlie felt his heart skip a beat.

Before he could react, Mindy had grabbed him by the arm and pushed him against the wall, his arms folded behind his back so he was rendered motionless. "Keep still." He felt a needle enter his arm and he gasped. Slowly, his clouded vision became clearer and his hallucinations stopped. His captor released him and he turned around. Charlie watched as Mindy sterilise the needle with some alcohol swabs. She then kept it in a medical kit, which she then tossed into her bag. That little boy, Timothy, was standing by her side, looking up at him and smiling angelically.

"What's that?" Charlie asked. He was concerned with the fact that Mindy just injected him with something from a needle.

"The liquid injections purges any poison out of you, like the weed substance you've consumed," Mindy replied, looking at her watch. "And it should be… right… about… now."

"What?" he said, as Mindy pulled Timothy away from him. And then he felt something rise up his throat. His knees buckled and he instinctively bent over, barfing half-digested weed brownies all over the floor. Just when he thought he was done with the puke, more came pouring out, piling onto the floor.

"And now you're sober," Mindy told Charlie, patting his shoulder. "Come on Timothy, I told you high school parties are disgusting. Ready to leave now?"

The little boy could barely utter a reply. Poor kid was utterly traumatised by the intensive puking he had just witnessed. And so Mindy led Timothy away.

Ten seconds later, Charlie left his puddle of vomit unmopped and went in the direction Mindy and Timothy had gone... only to see Sam and Craig. Kissing.

He recalled the kiss he had shared with her in her bedroom. She had said that she loved Craig, but that she loves him too. Charlie watched forlornly as Craig led Sam to the same bedroom Sam had brought Charlie to. She cast one last glance downstairs, at Charlie. And then she entered the room. Charlie looked down at his feet and smiled sadly. _We accept the love we think we deserve_.

* * *

Charlie saw the familiar head of wavy blonde locks amongst the sea of students along the hallways.

"Hey! Hey! Hey, Mindy! Mindy, wait up!" Charlie yelled out, brushing past tons of students who were walking in the opposite direction. Shoulders clashed and several bags slammed into his gut before he made it to Mindy. She was too busy fiddling with the lock of her locker to notice his approach until he was standing right before her. She cast him a disconcerted glance and opened her locker. A putrid stench from her locker hit the noses of the passersby. The crowd cleared away from Mindy and Charlie, retching and groaning.

Charlie repressed a gag and pinched his nose. What the heck was that smell? He followed Mindy's line of vision and peered into her locker. Somebody had smeared feces all over her locker, soiling her books. That was all her locker contained, a pile of textbooks now soaked in shit.

"Uh… w-we're having biology together next right? You can share my textbook," Charlie offered, taking in the exasperation written all over Mindy's face. She looked him up and down with her huge hazel eyes, suspicious of him.

"What do you want?"

"I… I just wanted to thank you for last night! You know, for p-purging the weed out of me, even thought it felt really horrible a-a-and…" Charlie stammered. God, her gaze was making him nervous. And the stench was insufferable. "I mean, you helped that little guy out when he was getting pummelled, o-or so he told me... You seem kind of scary b-but I think you're a nice person. I mean, y-you're not scary! That's not what I meant! I-I-I just…"

"You're stuttering. Don't force yourself to hang out with me if you don't want to, dude. I'm not up for charity."

"No, I-I want to!" Charlie squeaked. "I-I mean..." And then he straightened his back and cleared his throat. "I mean, I want to," he said in a lower voice.

Mindy furrowed her brows at him, "Okay, chip. Whatever you like."

* * *

Mindy winced as she took off her Hit Girl costume, revealing the gym shirt and shorts she wore underneath. It was soaked with the blood that was oozing out of her cut wounds. It was a rough night, especially in a city alone, without Kick-ass and her other comrades to back her up.

She threw her costume and purple wig in before slamming the locker shut and leaned against it, her legs too weak to support her body weight. Her consciousness was slipping away. This is bad. She was going to pass out in hall way and when people find her lying on the floor the next morning, they are going to find out she's Hit Girl and her cover will be blown.

"Mindy!"

Mindy recognised the voice. It was Charlie.

"Hang on, Hit Girl. We're here." This time, it was Timothy's voice.

Mindy managed a scoff before she passed out. Trust Timothy to bring Charlie along and fix everything.

* * *

The memories came flooding back. Charlie buried his face in his pillow and let out a scream of anguish. He had tried to shut it out, but all he could think of was the way Aunt Helen had used him and abused him. He sat up and sobbed into his hands, because his pillow was too damp with his snot and tears. He misses Candace, Chris, his parents, Patrick and Sam. Sam and Patrick were too busy with college to see him today. But they visited him on other days, always happy and noisy and funny. He remembered that time when he had counted down the seconds with them to the end of class on their last day of school. "Come on, get me out of here!" Mindy had yelled before the countdown ended, while Patrick ran down the hallways, losing his mind to pure joy. Charlie's heart felt heavy.

Mindy was probably out there somewhere now, busy fighting crime… forgetting about him. He hadn't seen her ever since that incident.

Before Sam had driven off to college with Patrick, she had been in her bedroom with him and Sam had placed her hand on his knee then. The image moves up the arm. To the shoulder. To the face. But it was not Sam touching Charlie anymore. Charlie looked up… it was Aunt Helen. "Don't wake your sister."

The door to Sam's room had barged opened, and there was Mindy looking to carry more moving-out boxes, pulling him away from the nightmare Sam had unknowingly triggered. She saw the horror and the confusion on his face. Then, she saw Sam and their flushed faces from all that kissing, mistaking Charlie's facial expression to be disappointment. "Sorry, I'll knock next time."

He wanted to scream at her to stop, to not leave, but the door closed. He was so confused then. He knew he loved Sam, and he still does. But somehow, along the way, Mindy had stolen some part of his heart too. Probably after prom, when they were in the hotel suite.

* * *

Charlie watched on as Timothy helped a reluctant Mindy adjust her violet headband nicely while trying not to ruin the neat, beautiful ringlets Sam had curled Mindy's bangs into. Her long, thick hair was straightened and then curled into a gorgeous wave that cascaded down her sides and her back, giving her a feminine feel. "Like a princess," Timothy had said, pulling the words right out of Charlie's mouth.

Prom had ended and they were in a suite with a bunch of Sam and Patrick's friends deliriously drunk or drugged. Mindy couldn't tell, but she loved every single moment of it. These people were assholes, but they were hilarious… and nice at times. She chuckled. She was starting to think like Timothy.

Charlie settled himself right next to her.

"Where's your lover girl, chip?" Mindy teased him.

A pause. "With her boyfriend next door."

Another pause. "Charlie... You know she loves you."

Charlie looked at Mindy. She had just called him by his real name.

"Yeah, I know."

"Then be a man and go get her."

"I can't… I don't think I should."

"You should. She'd want it."

"Not me."

"What! Why?"

His eyes met Mindy's. She couldn't see how beautiful she was tonight, and how Sam's stupid excuse of a boyfriend, Craig, was pulling seductive moves on her on the dance floor. Any girl would have swooned over someone as cute and as hunky as him, but Mindy had sucker punched the boy instead, claiming innocence and nonchalance when Sam confronted her about it. "It was dark!" she had exclaimed in her fake drunken slur. "And I'm just, like, so drunk!" Charlie found her endearing there and then.

"Chip? Earth to chip!" He came back to reality.

"Mindy, I think I – "

The door burst open, interrupting the dialogue. It was Sam, and she looked furious. To everybody's consternation and Mindy's I-knew-it moment, Sam announced that Craig had cheated on her. More alcohol and food most likely infused with drugs were passed around to escape the bitterness that came with that night. That was Mindy's cue to exit with Timothy. Charlie had went off to follower. And as the trio walked and joked and snowballed each other on the cold glowing pavements, Charlie felt he had never smiled so much in his entire life besides that very blissful moment.

* * *

Charlie wasn't smiling now. He missed looking into Mindy's hazel eyes, drinking in every moment he had with her that prom night.

A knock came from the window. He turned, and there she was, in her Hit Girl costume. His heart skipped a beat. He couldn't believe his eyes. He scrambled out of bed and ran over to lift up the window, and the cold night winds gusted in, causing the translucent curtain drapes to billow.

"What are you doing?"

"Uh..." Mindy said, wearing a face of mock confusion. "Standing on the fire escape?"

"No," Charlie laughed. "I mean… why'd you come?"

"Timothy… he wants to see you. Well, I wanted to see you too. I heard about everything from Patrick. I thought I should see you."

Charlie nodded. "I'll grab my coat."

He could feel his heart hammering on his chest even harder and faster, rendering it difficult to breathe. He was so giddy with joy at the sight of her, he couldn't help but a silly grin.

"Well, go on!" Mindy said, wondering why he was still standing before her, smiling stupidly. In that moment of exhilaration and pure joy, he leaned in and boldly planted a quick kiss on her lips. Mindy froze, staring at him in shock. And he didn't care. He was too giddy with joy. He just grinned at the sight of Mindy's confused expression.

* * *

Mindy and Charlie watched as Timothy interacted with old Uncle Bub, evoking laughter from the initially grumpy, old man. Laughter turned to silence, and the dreaded beep sounded. Timothy turned to Mindy, who immediately ran into the room and pulled Charlie away from the scene, while the hospital staff rushed in, along with Timothy's distraught parents.

"Is Uncle Bub dying?"

"Yeah," Mindy whispered, a lump in her throat. It was the first time Charlie had seen her looking this crestfallen. "And it's nothing to feel sorry about. Uncle Bub has had a heck of a life here. I bet he was once a kid like you, always going on adventures and having fun… and crashing in on high school parties."

Timothy laughed. He did like forcing Mindy to let him crash her high school parties. He got her into all sorts of trouble with his mom.

"Do you think Uncle Bub had funny friends like Sam and Patrick?" he asked.

Charlie smiled down at him, ruffling the little boy's head. "I'm sure he did."

"Then he had a heck of life," Timothy affirmed with confidence, meeting Mindy's gaze.

* * *

"I lose my leaves and move on," Timothy had said.

He was gone.

Charlie watched quietly as Mindy fiddled with the plastic casing that kept one of Timothy's leaf save and snug from the cold roaring wind of the night.

"Here comes the tunnel!" Patrick yelled. Sam inserted the cassette tape of the tunnel song into the player. And Charlie got to his feet, pulling Mindy along.

As they stood, they saw the twinkling lights of the city ahead and the vast world beyond, hiding oceans and continents and cities that filled them with wonder. Charlie held his arms out while Mindy took a look behind her shoulder. _Timothy, are you seeing this?_ A gust of wind and leaves came, forcing Mindy to look ahead before any of the leaves got into her eyes. "Don't miss this moment," the rustling leaves seemed to say. All four of them looked forward.

The tunnel's exit got bigger and brighter, with the city's lights behind it. The tunnel song blasts over the speakers as the truck flies out of the tunnel. Sam and Patrick scream with excitement. Charlie and Mindy burst into peals of laughter, as Charlie pulled Mindy into his arms, hugging her from behind. The weight of the world had vanished. If only for a moment. This one moment. The city encased in a million lights like white stars in a glass dome.

**The End.**


End file.
